


Light Is Fading

by heyitsbabz



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, amen and thank you, and cute, and fall away, bc I'm trash for those songs, but not really, fallen angel! tyler, it's sad, lovestruck josh, most of this is based off isle of flightless birds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 16:21:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8630848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitsbabz/pseuds/heyitsbabz
Summary: “I've read about fallen angels, dude. Usually they have black wings instead of white ones, which would make sense because you've succumbed to the darkness instead of the light and stuff, kind of like Anakin Skywalker.”





	

Tyler remembers the pain.

He remembers the exact moment he thought he was dead and he remembers when he was left alone on the planet he was supposed to care for to face the truth. He remembers how hard it was for him to understand, for him to _believe_ what he had done.

He'd been on earth before of course, he had been assigned a human to protect and care for, but he didn't want to do it anymore. He just didn't understand why he and the rest of the Angels had to care so much about the human race. If they wanted to do dumb things then it was on them, Tyler convinced himself, it was their problem and they should have to deal with it. Why did the Angels have to come and clean up their messes and save them over and over again?

Tyler hisses, reaching behind him and touching his shoulder blade. It burned, a sizzling heat just below his skin as though he was missing a part of himself; an itch he could never get rid of no matter how hard he tried. Sometimes he still feels them, their feathers brushing along his tan skin softly and he smiles before sinking further into his depression when the realization that he'd lost them crashes into him again.

He remembers falling. He remembers it too clearly, too vividly and he has to swallow against the lump in his throat as he stares at the horizon before him, city lights blinking and shining in the distance. He closes his eyes, listening to the cars and their screeches, their honks, the angry shouts below him and he feels a certain ease fill his mind.

He feels someone sit next to him. He doesn't bother opening his eyes.

"Thought I'd find you up here," Josh speaks first, voice cautious. He's testing his boundaries and Tyler has to fight a smile. Smart human.

"Where else would I be?" Tyler muses, cracking an eye open to look at Josh.

Josh with his pink hair sticking out all over the place, his oversized t-shirts and ripped jeans. His infamous vans glued to his feet and an infectious smile beginning to form at the corners of his mouth, making his eyes crinkle in delight. Tyler guesses that he just finished his shift at the record shop.

Tyler met Josh by accident, the entire encounter still baffling him. Tyler had fallen, his wings being ripped away from him and being banished to Earth to live the rest of his days. Tyler sat in an alleyway screaming, _pleading_ to get his wings back and Josh had wandered over. He supposed that Josh had been walking home from his job and noticing Tyler in distress had worried him. Josh had asked him if he was okay and Tyler had wanted to cut his throat and feed the remnants of his body to the alley rats surrounding them.

Instead Tyler told him no. He didn't know why he answered him seriously, but Josh walked up to him and pulled him into a hug. A complete stranger.

 _This is why humans are so prone to dying without the Guardians to protect them_ , he heard at the back of his mind and he shuddered.

Josh had rubbed his hand over one of his shoulder blades, attempting to soothe him and Tyler howled, pushing him away, the pain making him gasp. He crumpled in front of him, his fingers scratching at his clothed back.

  
“Don’t touch me!” Tyler sobbed, a scream catching in his throat. “Don't touch me, don't touch me! I need my _wings_ _!_ Please!”

  
Tyler looked up, praying to see a light, to see his friends but nothing came. They had left him alone with the race he despised the most and they had taken the one thing about himself that he loved.

  
He lowered his face, his tears streaming silently onto his cheeks but his face had gone completely blank. He felt numb and _betrayed_. Everything he was used to was gone, torn away from him forever.

  
“Wings?” Josh had asked quietly, setting hand on Tyler’s shoulder. He shrugged it off and continued staring ahead. Josh wasn't phased. “Do you have anywhere to stay?”

  
Tyler stayed silent, making Josh nod and get up, bringing Tyler up with him. Tyler didn't protest, the fight he had in him had drained.

  
“You can stay with me until you feel better.”

  
That had been six months ago.

  
Tyler still didn't feel any better so he hadn't left. Josh was the only human he could tolerate and he wouldn't compromise their acquaintance until he was sure of how he could get his wings back.

  
“I was thinkin’ we could order some pizza tonight.” Josh leans over and bumps Tyler’s shoulder with his own.

  
“Yeah, sounds good.” Tyler replies, looking at Josh for any form of annoyance. Tyler hadn't paid for anything; not rent, not groceries, not their takeout nights, nada. He had no money whatsoever and he was beginning to think Josh saw him as a charity case.

  
Jokes on him, Tyler can't be fixed.

  
“Is your back feeling any better?” Josh reaches a hand out and drops it when Tyler stiffens, muttering an apology. “Why do you always come up here? I mean it's a pretty view and all, but there's so much _noise_.”

  
“The ground taunts my wings,” Tyler answers, eyes fixed with Josh’s. He blinks away the tears threatening to fall and Josh grabs his shoulder.

  
“What does that mean?”

  
Tyler realizes he sounds crazy. He knows he does. He wishes that he could forget about everything he lived before as a side effect of falling but this was one of his punishments. Remembering what he had and how he ruined it.

  
“I think about dying.” Tyler amends.

  
“No, no hey,” Josh speaks up desperately and Tyler is confused. Why is the human worrying about him? “Things may be rough right now but you've got so much life left to live.”

  
“I don't know if I'm dying or living.” Tyler whispers into the air and feels an arm come around his shoulders. He doesn't shrug it away.

  
“You and me both, man,” Josh grins and Tyler returns it slowly. “But at least we've got each other, yeah?”

  
Tyler finds himself nodding.

 

* * *

 

Tyler stares at himself in the mirror that night after having a shower. He wraps the towel he had grabbed on his way in around his waist and focused on his reflection.

  
He closes his eyes, breathing deeply out of his nose before opening his eyes again. He recoils, looking down at his hands.

  
His hands were painted black, along with his neck. Tyler had tried scrubbing it off, to try to rid himself of the proof he had fell but no matter how hard he scrubbed and how hard he tried, it wouldn't go away. He looked in the mirror again, tilting his head and watching his blood red eyes blink back at him.

  
The first time Tyler had seen his eyes, he’d been horrified. He’d thrown up and retched until he couldn't handle it anymore and passed out. It doesn't get easier, he learned with time, to see himself this way.

  
He turns on his side to get a view of his shoulder blades and feels his lip begin to wobble when he sees the V of where his wings used to be.

  
The scar is ugly.

  
Tyler used to think that he was beautiful, back when he was still allowed in heaven. He had life in him, he had wanted to live, but now, _now_ he just wanted to die.

  
Maybe if he died he’d be allowed to go back home.

  
Tyler grips the sink and grits his teeth together, red eyes glaring back at him. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to go _home_.

  
The door swung open, a whistling Josh bursting through before he realizes the bathroom is occupied by Tyler.

  
“Oh—fuck, I'm sorry,” Josh pulls out his headphones out of his ears. “I was listening to my music and I—”

  
Josh stops short when he _sees_ Tyler. His eyes travel up the length of his scarred back and then to his black hands and neck, stopping to look at his eyes through the mirror. His mouth drops open as though he means to say something, but he just closes it like a gaping fish.

  
“Surprise.” Tyler breaks the silence, voice dripping with sarcasm.

  
“What _are_ you?” Josh blurts out and Tyler notes with absolute shock that he's not afraid of him. He’s _curious_. “Are you a demon?”

  
Tyler snorts.

  
“No.”

  
“You're an angel?”

  
“Not quite.”

  
It hurts Tyler to speak the words. He's finally said it out loud and it tastes weird on his tongue. He’s not an angel anymore and he probably never will be again. Tyler is suddenly tired; he’s tired and it's not the kind of tired that can be cured by the next morning and he’s so done with feeling this way, he just wants it to _stop_.

  
“I fell.” Tyler closes his eyes and when he opens them, his eyes are back to brown, his skin clean.

  
“You fell,” Josh repeats slowly. Tyler can hear his heartbeat all the way where he's standing and he can't blame Josh for the adrenaline rush.

  
“Yes I fell,” Tyler snaps impatiently, turning to face him completely. “And don't bother trying to get my sob story out of me because you're not getting it.”

  
“Whoa Tyler, calm down!” Josh raises his hands in surrender. “I wasn't going to.”

  
They stare at one another before Josh turns and leaves, letting Tyler pull on his clothes before following him out. He finds Josh in the kitchen, putting coffee in a filter. When he hears the sound of it brewing, Josh leans against the counter and studies him. Tyler feels his irritation spike up and he clenches his teeth together. He wasn't some sort of lab experiment, Josh didn't need to stare at him like he was one.

  
“Take a picture it'll last longer.” Tyler sighs, reaching for the end of his —Josh’s— oversized tank top and playing with it, watching it twirl and twist between his fingers.

  
“Sorry, Tyler.” Josh sounds sincere and Tyler locks his eyes with him. “You’re still you, I know that, but it’s still a little bit of a, I don't know… shock?”

  
Tyler stays quiet.

  
“Like, you're some sort of fallen angel with red eyes and—and like,” Josh waves frantically, eyes narrowing. “Shouldn't you have black wings?”

  
“Black wings?” Tyler murmurs intrigued. He’d never heard of this before, did Josh know something he didn't?

  
“I've read about fallen angels, dude. Usually they have black wings instead of white ones, which would make sense because you've succumbed to the darkness instead of the light and stuff, kind of like _Anakin Skywalker_.” Josh looks as though he’s trying to convince himself that he’s right.

  
Tyler can't help it; he giggles. Honest to God giggles. Pun intended.

  
“It’s not funny!”

  
“It’s a little funny.” Tyler admits, sitting on one of the bar stools and leaning his elbows on the counter. This was often how the two ate dinner since Josh didn't have a kitchen table.

  
“You know, for someone who looked like he was just about to cut my throat a few minutes ago, you're pretty calm.” Josh watches him like a hawk. “Are you planning on murdering me and making it look like an accident when the pizza guy gets here?”

  
“Josh!” Tyler laughs again, covering his mouth. “No, if I wanted you dead I’d have done it by now.”

  
“Seriously?” Josh's voice cracks, his face pale as though he may faint.

  
“It’s not that hard to kill a human.”

  
“ _Tyler_. Not helping. I'm gonna…” Josh’s voice trails off and he slips to the ground, gasping for breath. He brings his hands up to his face so Tyler won't see him.

  
Tyler zooms to his side in a flash, putting his hands on Josh’s shoulders, but Josh just shakes his head, his hands still covering his face.

  
“Panic attack.” Josh gasps and his fingers are trembling so Tyler reaches for them, bringing them away from his face. Josh is crying. “ _Gosh_.”

  
“It’s alright, just breathe, okay? Follow me, in,” Tyler takes a deep breath and Josh does the same. “And out. You're doing great, Jishwa. In and out.”

  
Tyler has never comforted a human before, but Josh has told him of his struggles with his anxiety multiple times. Mostly he spoke about himself on the days Tyler refuses to speak and utter a single word. Those days are hard for both of them.

  
As time passes, Josh’s shaking starts to stop and his breathing becomes less frantic and more regulated, making Tyler relax with relief.

  
“Okay?” Tyler was still holding Josh’s hands and Josh gives them a squeeze.

  
“Thanks.”

  
Tyler could tell he was embarrassed to have had someone see him in that state, avoiding Tyler’s eyes, so he decides to do the talking for once.

  
“When angels fall we don't get black wings,” Tyler shakes his head, a small smile on his face as Josh finally looks at him. “We all get different attributes; some of us get tattoos engraved on our bodies that burn whenever they get touched, others get nightmares every night. Some are like me and have their eyes change. None of the Fallen get the same coloured eyes, it’s an identifier of sorts but again, not all of us have this side effect.” Tyler pauses, Josh’s curious eyes urging him to continue.

  
“I’ve got the black on my hands and neck because I—” Tyler swallows the lump in his throat. “I’m insecure about them. I always have been. What I create and my voice just cause me to second guess everything about myself.”

  
“Talking to me now, does it bother you?” Josh whispers, his voice shaking.

  
“Not right now. Some days are better than others. When I was home—sorry, not home anymore. Heaven. We used to sing a lot, it kept everyone happy,” Tyler explains, shifting to lean his back on the counter and brings his knees up to his chest to hug them. “Everyone got compliments, but me. People said my voice was unique and different, but I don't see that as something to be proud of. This is a reminder that I suck, I guess.”

  
“You should sing for me sometime, I'll be honest with you.” Josh smiles softly at him and Tyler doesn't have the heart to downright refuse him so he just shrugs.

  
“The only thing the Fallen have in common is the scar on our backs, where our wings have been ripped out.”

  
“Ripped?” Josh says horrified, his voice raising an octave. “Gosh, that's why you were crying and yelling, your wings had been ripped from your back.”

  
It takes Tyler a moment to figure out he’s talking about when they met. Josh leans his head back and sighs sadly when Tyler nods and Tyler still can't understand why Josh cares so much.

  
“I’m not a charity case.”

  
“I’ve never thought of you as one.” Josh closes his eyes, tapping his hands rhythmically on his thighs. Tyler guesses he’s drumming to his favourite song to stop himself from hyperventilating again.

  
Tyler always feels like a creep listening to Josh’s heartbeat, but he was just making sure his friend was okay.

  
Friend; when did that happen?

  
“Don’t lie to me, you never ask me to do anything around here.” Tyler crosses his arms childishly, glaring ahead of him.

  
“Because I know what it’s like to be depressed,” Josh turns and sits criss-cross applesauce to stare at Tyler. “I know what it’s like to not want to get out of bed in the morning and to want to just end everything. Jump off the roof, run in front of a bus, swallow a bunch of pills, take out a goddamn revolver and blow my brains out, I’ve thought about all of them. I _know_ what it's like.”

  
“I’m sorry.” Tyler tells him, genuinely upset that Josh ever feels this way.

  
“Don’t be. I’m—” Josh laughs, shaking his head. “I was gonna say better, but it never really goes away so that’s not true. I’m coping. I’m trying. And soon, you will too.”

  
Tyler opens his mouth to ask him what makes him so sure, but the moment is gone when the doorbell rings. Josh looks at Tyler pleadingly and he nods, getting up and grabbing the money from the counter.

  
When he gets back, pizza in hand, Josh is sitting on a stool and scrolling through his phone. Two plates already set out for the two of them.

  
“So, Jishwa?” Josh says with a mouthful of pizza.

  
“I don't know where that came from.” Tyler blushes and stuffs his face so he doesn't have to continue talking.

  
“I like it.” Josh grins and the two continue eating in silence.

  
Tyler is glad the topic on him is dropped. He doesn't think he wants to tell Josh that everything he touches when his eyes are red and his hands and neck are painted black dies or causes him excruciating pain. When Tyler had accidentally touched Josh’s stacked flowers in the bathroom, they all withered and died in seconds and the agony he felt flowing through his body almost made him pass out. It was as though he was feeling the pain he had caused. Like he felt the plant's life leaving its plant-body.

  
He wanted to touch more things after that, wanted to feel the pain he rightfully deserved. Masochistic as this version of himself was, he didn't want to think of it as well, him. It wasn't him. It was some monster with _his_ face.

  
He wonders if Josh would just kneel over and die if he touches him when he's in that state. The thought scares him, makes him want to throw up at even hurting Josh on accident.

  
Tyler quickly excuses himself, saying he was exhausted and retreats to his room.

  
Sleep never finds him.

 

* * *

 

They carry on with their lives, Josh treating him no different than he had before he found out the news. Josh works and Tyler cleans up the mess in the apartment most of the time, choosing to stay in and stay hidden from the world.

  
He doesn't know why he thinks isolating himself will make things better. What he should be doing is going out and finding his kind, the Fallen Angels, but he couldn't bear the thought of leaving Josh behind to go live with these new people.

  
So he stayed hidden the best he could so others didn't find him either.

  
He still goes up to the roof, thinks about all the different possibilities he can try to use to get home and more often times than not, that's where Josh finds him, sitting next to him in complete silence. Tyler always appreciates it until Josh starts asking him questions about his old life. He figures he should answer, it's the least he could do since Josh has been so… nice and welcoming of him.

  
“You don't have to answer any if you don't want to, but I'm just curious,” Josh’s curls fall onto his forehead and Tyler’s fingers twitch to push them back. “Did you have a family?”

  
Tyler raises an eyebrow. “We’re all family up there, Josh.”

  
“No, I mean, like, parents, siblings?”

  
“Yeah. Two brothers and a sister,” Tyler nods, smiling at the memories of them. “My parents would kick my ass if they could.”

  
Tyler misses them, his smile dropping off his face when he realizes he may never see them again. Josh leans his head on Tyler’s shoulder and hums, letting them lapse up the silence.

  
And this is how it goes for days; Josh would find Tyler up there and ask him a question about his life and he’d answer.

  
“Did you become an angel by dying?”

  
“No,” Tyler shakes his head. “Not my kind. I was a guardian angel, I was born into that profession. Sometimes the really good Guardians become Archangels and so on. When _you_ die you'll be an angel too, just without the duties of the Guardian.”

  
“So it’s basically like living a new life.” Josh muses, then grins at Tyler. “Do I get resurrected at my prime?”

  
“Huh?”

  
“Like, if I die at 86 will I get resurrected at that age in angel form or will I come back at this age?” Josh clarifies, scratching the back of his neck. “‘Cause I'm loving how I look at 28.”

  
Tyler gapes. Blinks. “You’re so shallow.”

  
“Answer the question.” Josh whines, batting his eyelashes at him. Tyler definitely doesn't blush.

  
“Yeah, you come back at the point in your life you liked the most,” Tyler wonders if it's against the rules for him to share this stuff. Probably. “A lot of them come back in their teens.”

  
“My teens sucked, no thanks.” Josh grimaces, leaning back on his hands. “Do I have a guardian angel watching me now?”

  
“I sure hope so,” Tyler grins, knocking his shoulder with his own like they often did. “I don't want anything happening to your dumb ass.”

  
“Hey! You love my ass.”

  
Tyler blushes and hides his face in his shoulder, a smile on his lips.

  
Another day comes, more questions are asked.

  
“Do you all have wings?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Is God real?”

  
“I don't know Josh, is He?”

  
“You’re no fun.” Josh pouts. “Is Hell a real place?”

  
“Yeah and you've got a one way ticket if you don't stop with these dumb questions.” Tyler warns, a playful glare aimed his way.

  
“Okay, I know you've been watching reruns of Supernatural, I was just curious of what you think of it?” Josh jokes, waggling his eyebrows.

  
“It’s great, I love it. Castiel is awesome.” Tyler tosses Josh a shit-eating grin and Josh rolls his eyes.

  
“Of course you love the angel of the Lord.”

  
“Angels turn me on.” Tyler sticks his tongue out at him. Bantering with Josh was always so easy after all. Tyler never felt forced to act a certain way around him and he appreciated it more than Josh knew.

  
“Do you miss it?” Josh asks once the two have quieted down their giggles. Tyler looks over at him, lip caught between his teeth.

  
“Often enough. I’m learning to like it here now.”

  
That’s how it is for the coming weeks. One day they're sitting on their worn out couch watching X-Files because _it’s a classic Tyler, you have to watch it_ and in all honestly, Tyler is really into it. He’s gotten a few seasons in and now he's hooked.

  
Aliens. Who would have thought?

  
Tyler is watching the show intensely, his feet resting in Josh’s lap because the couch itself was too small to fit the both of them. It was fine they made it work, Tyler being smaller than Josh gave him the advantage and got him the more comfortable position. Josh’s hand taps his sweatpants clad calf repeatedly and Tyler turns toward him annoyed at being interrupted from his show.

  
“What?”

  
Josh was shirtless and in sweatpants too, worrying at his lip as he watches Tyler shift in his position. It wasn't news that Joshua Dun had a body that could make anyone want to sin. Tyler kept his eyes on Josh’s.

  
“Why did you fall?”

  
The question makes Tyler feel sick, the bile rising up his throat only to have him swallow it back down. It was a good question; it was bound to get asked. Tyler is surprised he didn't ask this the first day, though that would have made Tyler more closed off and secluded.

  
“I abused grace.” He hears himself say, his mouth moving on its own accord.

  
“How?” Josh stutters, his hand gripping Tyler’s calf so tightly, he’s sure his fingers will leave behind bruises.

  
Tyler doesn't answer, he just stares at Josh with an expressionless face.

  
“Did you kill someone?”

  
Tyler's eyes begin to water and Josh sees it, sees him struggling to contain himself and pulls him onto his lap, Tyler’s thighs landing on either side of Josh’s. Through his shock, Tyler manages to wrap his arms around Josh’s neck and bury his face in his hair, Josh’s arms snaking around his waist and anchoring him down.

  
“I didn't think—” Tyler feels his breath catch. “It was an accident, I didn't mean for it to happen, I—”

  
“Shh,” Josh rubs small circles at the small of his back and Tyler sobs, the sounds muffled by Josh’s neck.

  
“I left my post, I didn't want the job, I hated being a Guardian, but He trusted me to take care of her, to make sure nothing would happen to her.” Tyler babbles, sniffling. “She got murdered because I wasn't there to coax her to go the other way and not to take the dark alleyway shortcut.”

  
“She's dead because of me and at first, God Josh, at first I didn't even _care_.” A new bout of tears stream down his face and Josh pulls him tighter against his body.

  
“I didn't care, I didn't care, I didn't—” Tyler hiccups and leans back to look at Josh. “But then I fell and you—you just—”

  
“Tyler—”

  
“You were so _nice_. I hated humans, I thought you all deserved what you got because you're all so used to doing dumb things,” Tyler brings a hand up to wipe his face. “But you came up to me and offered me a place to stay and were so— _so nice_.”

  
Josh lets Tyler cry it out on him, shushing him and holding him as though he may break. Tyler wants to yell at him that he's crazy for comforting him, he's a _murderer_ and yet Josh didn't seem to care.

  
“Can I see your back?” Josh requests cautiously when Tyler calms down from crying, occasionally sniffling against his neck.

  
“It’s ugly, why would you want to see that?” Tyler pulls away sadly. He doesn't want to get off of Josh's lap.

  
“I doubt anything about you is anything less than perfect, Tyler.” Josh whispers, his face shining with honesty and Tyler stops breathing for a second, his face aflame.

  
“Don’t trust a perfect person, dude.” Tyler half jokes, pulling off his t-shirt, his back still facing away from Josh.

  
Josh taps Tyler’s thigh, a signal for him to get off and he gulps, audibly nervous. With a deep breath he crawls off of him, laying on his stomach on the couch, his scarred back in full view for Josh. He hears Josh’s sharp intake of breath and his skin crawls with regret; he shouldn't have shown him.

  
He jumps when he feels fingers tracing over his scarred skin, Josh settling comfortably on the bottom part of his back. Tyler closes his eyes and almost feels his feathers touching his skin again; it was Josh's fingers, gently caressing, running over the V carefully.

  
“Does it hurt?” Josh breathes out and the wind of it hits the back of Tyler’s neck. He shivers, goosebumps rising on his golden skin.

  
“No.” He whispers, eyes still closed, waiting for Josh’s fingers to move from their stillness.

  
“Tell me to stop if you don't like what I'm doing.” The light pressure of Josh’s fingers leaves Tyler’s back and a whine rips its way out of his throat before it’s replaced with a gasp.

  
Josh had leaned down and had started trailing kisses along the scar, dragging his lips slightly between each kiss and Tyler was on fire.

  
Tyler squirms into the couch, biting his lip to stop from moaning and embarrassing himself.

  
“Is this okay, baby boy?” Josh’s voice is close to his ear and he whimpers.

  
“Yes.” Tyler sighs when Josh places his lips on his neck, sucking on the skin before biting softly and sucking again.

  
Tyler has never experienced anything like this before in his life.

  
“You’re perfect.” Josh admits and Tyler stiffens, his eyes snapping open.

  
“No, I'm not,” Tyler twists so he’s laying on his back, Josh's knees on either side of his hips. “I don't have my wings.”

  
“You don't need your wings to be perfect.” Josh insists, one of his hands going on the side of Tyler’s head, allowing him to lean down.

  
“Yes I do, Josh. I don't know how you can tell me that when you don't know what it’s like to—to,” Tyler feels the press of Josh's lips on his neck again. “To lose them.”

  
Josh kisses up Tyler's neck and across his jaw until he’s laying his forehead against Tyler’s and their staring into each other's eyes. The close proximity made Tyler nervous and butterflies were fluttering in his stomach but he just laid there, limp like a doll.

  
“You're perfect to _me_.” Josh’s words are forceful and they hit Tyler head on, his mouth dropping open to protest, but no words coming out. “Can I kiss you?”

  
Tyler’s never kissed anyone before. He’d never had the time with his job and all, but he also never thought about it. He hadn't really cared then, but now he wants nothing more than for Josh's lips to touch his so he closes his mouth and nods.

  
Josh licks his lips and Tyler does the same, following his lead. When Josh closes the distance it’s wet, slightly chapped lips touching one another and noses bumping against each other due to poor technique. Tyler loves it, his entire body coming alive as though he’d been electrified.

  
Josh pulls away, huffing a laugh. “We’ll work on that.”

  
“Kiss me again.”

  
Josh does. Tyler wraps his arm around Josh’s neck, pulling him down so their chests are touching and physically feels himself falling, but not like before. This felt good, like repentance for his sins.

  
Tyler feels a tongue glide up against his bottom lip and gasps, arching his back. He feels Josh pushing his tongue into his mouth and when their tongues meet, Tyler moans against his lips.

  
“I'm not dreaming, am I?” Josh says breathlessly as he pulls away. “This is actually happening? It’s real? I’m not misreading anything?”

  
“It’s real. I'm real, you're real, why wouldn't this be real?” Tyler laughs, nose brushing Josh’s.

  
“Well, you're an angel-”

  
“Fallen angel.” Tyler corrects.

  
“Isn't this against like, angel laws?” Josh finishes, shifting on top of Tyler and making him bite down on his lip, hard.

  
“I don't know, but I like this,” Tyler replies honestly. He points between their chests, pressed close together. “You and I.”

  
“Me too.” Josh emphasizes his fact by kissing Tyler again and again until he’s gasping for air and moaning his name like a prayer below him, scratching skin and leaving marks.

  
For the first time since Tyler fell, he remembers what it feels like to be loved.

 

* * *

 

Tyler is happy.

  
It’s odd knowing what happiness feels like after so many months of being surrounded in his thoughts filled with darkness and pain. Of course, there were days where Tyler still wishes he was dead, but on those days Josh comes home from work with takeout and curls up next to Tyler on the couch without saying a word.

  
Josh makes him feel safe. Like he finally belongs somewhere and isn't that funny that Tyler Joseph would fall in love with a human? A year ago he would have laughed in everyone's face at the suggestion.

  
“Josh, I love you.” He tells him one day, out of nowhere. Josh looks at him startled, before a wide grin spreads on his face and his eyes crinkle by the sides and God does Tyler love that smile.

  
“I love you too, Ty.” He replies and swoops down to kiss him and well, of course that escalates and now they're laying in Josh’s bed.

  
Tyler is curled up on Josh’s chest, hand resting on the side of Josh’s neck, skin slick with sweat and breath shallow.

  
He feels so alive.

  
Josh has an arm wrapped around him protectively, placing a gentle kiss on the top of Tyler’s head and he sighs in pure bliss.

  
That’s the day Tyler’s nightmares start.

  
He wouldn't care if it weren't the same dream over and over; instead of the girl, Jenna, getting beaten to death, it’s Josh. He watches him and he can't do anything about it no matter how hard he tries and Josh _begs_ , he begs for mercy, for them to let him leave, to take all his money, but they don't relent. Then one of them takes out a pistol and shoots him in the head after they’re done beating him to a pulp.

  
He runs to the bathroom and throws up every night he has this dream, Josh worriedly following behind after him.

  
“I’m fine,” Tyler would tell him, head leaning against the toilet seat. “Trust me, I'm okay.”

  
Josh would smile softly and sit down next to him, not saying a word.

  
“Go to bed, Jish.” Tyler would say and Josh would shake his head and wait for Tyler to finish so they can go to bed together.

  
Tyler lays in bed shivering and Josh wraps his arms around him. It feels like he’s dying, like his wish from so many months ago is coming true and all he can think is _I don't want to die, please God, don't take this away from me too_.

  
“I am cold,” Tyler says through chattering teeth, attempting to turn over in Josh's arms. “Can you hear, Josh?”

  
“I hear you, Tyler.” Josh whispers tiredly, tightening his arms. “Please try and sleep.”

  
Tyler nods, but he's too afraid. He can't continue sleeping just to watch Josh die. He _can't_. So he stays awake until Josh falls asleep next to him and then something in him just... snaps.

  
He takes a sharp inhale of breath and hears _head to the roof_ in the back of his mind in the most enchanting voice he's ever heard.

  
As carefully as he can, Tyler gets out of the bed and out of Josh’s grasp and heads straight to the roof.

 

* * *

 

  
Josh jolts awake, sweat forming on his forehead from the nightmare he’d just had. He can’t remember what it was about, but he knew it was one of those nightmares that would bug him until he remembered.

  
He reaches over to pull Tyler closer to him, trying to seek comfort in the boy who’d started orbiting his thoughts like the solar system orbits around the sun, but is met with an empty bed.

  
Instantly, he’s out of bed and running down the narrow hallway to the bathroom.

  
“Tyler?” He sees the light closed and notices the empty bathroom. His heartbeat increases. “Tyler?”

  
He walks into the kitchen and starts to panic. He yells at himself, screaming that now isn't the time to fucking do this and with shaking limbs, he walks to the front door.

  
The roof is the only other place Tyler would go.

  
He runs up the emergency stairs, going up two at a time and then throws open the door, the slam of it shocking even him. When he gets out and sees Tyler standing at the edge of the building, he almost passes out from all the panic flowing in his body.

  
“Tyler!” Josh shouts to get his attention. “What are you doing?”

  
He expects Tyler to have one of those somber looks on his face, those thinking faces that made him look so much older than what he was. He didn't expect to see him _smiling_ , his eyes blood red and his hands and neck painted black.

  
“Josh, oh Joshie,” Tyler says, his voice awed. “Do you see them?”

  
“See what?” Josh gets closer to him slowly, his plan being to pull him off the edge when he’s close enough.

  
“My _wings,_ ” Tyler splays his arms out wide, like they were there and Josh feels a pang of sympathy in his chest. “They’re back, Josh.”

  
“No Tyler, they aren't,” Josh tries, arms going in front of him in a calming gesture just in case. “You’re hallucinating, baby. Please come down.”

  
Tyler’s red eyes blink once, twice, then look over to both his sides confused before looking at Josh like he’s the crazy one.

  
“They're right next to me, Josh!” Tyler laughs and Josh can hear the happiness he feels, can basically feel it radiating off of him. “I can go home, I can go _home_ , Jishwa!”

  
“Tyler, please listen to me, your eyes are red and your hands and neck are black. Your wings aren't there.” Josh takes a few anxious steps forward when Tyler recoils at his words.

  
“You’re a liar.” Tyler snarls and crosses his arms. He looks looks over to his side and a hand moves outward. “I can feel them beneath my fingers, my feathers are so soft, I’d forgotten how soft they are.”

  
Josh starts praying in his head when he notices Tyler is crying and smiling at him.

  
_Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven_.

  
“They shed, you know?” Tyler points a black painted finger to the ground, a strangled laugh leaving his lips. “It feels so good to have them back.”

  
_Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts and we forgive our debtors, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever. Amen_.

  
Josh looks at him and shakes his head, tears springing into his eyes.

  
“I feel like _me_ again, Josh, can't you see?”

  
And Josh is crying, shaking his head frantically as he steps closer to him.

  
“Tyler, please, you're sick,” Josh begs, trying to coax him down. “Come back inside with me, you'll be okay, just stay with me, stay with me. Please.”

  
“Josh, don't be sad,” Tyler smiles so bright, it rips Josh’s heart in half. “I will fly with no hope, no fear.”

  
“Tyler, no!” Josh springs forward, his hand grabbing at Tyler’s arm and ignoring the pain that flows through it, but it’s too late, Tyler is falling, falling, falling.

  
Josh just yells and doesn't stop.

 

* * *

 

 _You’ll never get feeling in your hand again_ , they said.

  
_This isn't a normal case_ , they said.

  
_Drumming? Well good luck with that,_ they said.

  
Josh is used to his hand being paralyzed by now. It’s been a month of him not using it and a month of him not leaving his apartment unless it's to go to the roof and think.

  
It took him a while, but he finally understands why Tyler used to love coming up here. There’s something calming about listening to the chaotic city while being perched up here, sort of in a safe place.

  
Josh thinks about jumping off the roof a lot. He thinks about what happened to Tyler, because there wasn't a body.

  
He’s thinking until his head hurts and he starts crying. Josh curses himself because he should be all cried out by now, there's practically no more fucking water left in his body.

  
He’s heading back toward the door to go back to his room and curl around his blankets when he hears a soft familiar voice singing behind him, a light shining against the door. Josh doesn't turn around.

  
“ _Now the night is coming to an end. The sun will rise and we will try again_.”

  
That voice, that _voice_ , Josh thought he’d never hear it again. He turns around and he sobs at what he sees.

  
Tyler is standing there, his white wings spread proudly and a bright glow surrounding him. He looks beautiful and Josh can't help how he wants to move closer to him, how he wants to feel him, but his feet won't move.

  
“ _Stay alive, stay alive, for me. You will die, but now your life is free, take pride in what is sure to die_.”

  
Tyler smiles at him and Josh starts shaking, waiting for Tyler to do something.

  
“ _I will fear the night again. I hope I'm not my only friend_.” Tyler sings and finally walks up to him, lifting up a hand to cup his cheek and brush away his tears. “ _Stay alive, stay alive, for me_.”

  
Josh surges forward and kisses him, grabbing his jacket with his good hand and pulling him closer so their bodies press together.

  
_He’s real_ , Josh thinks.  _Oh God, he’s real_.

  
Tyler’s wings surround the two of them, keeping them protected and Josh feels safe, he feels like he’s back at home, like his purpose has come back to him.

  
“Joshua,” Tyler whispers when they pull away and press their foreheads together. He looks at Josh’s bad hand, grabbing it and bringing it to his lips while maintaining eye contact with him. “I’m sorry, love.”

  
Josh looks at him confused before Tyler smiles and motions to his hand and next thing Josh knows, he can move his fingers again, he can feel the blood rushing to them and a new bout of tears leave his eyes.

  
“Tyler, you're back, you came back,” Josh sobs, using both hands to pull him forward now. “You goddamn _jerk_ , I was so worried.”

  
“I’m sorry,” He pecks his lips again and then sighs. “I can't stay, Jishwa.”

  
And just like that, Josh’s heart breaks all over again.

  
“Why?” Josh's voice cracks and he doesn't want to let Tyler go.

  
“Because baby, I’ve been given a second chance,” Tyler grabs his hands in his own and squeezes them. “Falling in love with you gave me a second chance.”

  
For one sick moment, Josh wishes Tyler hadn't fallen in love with him.

  
“Josh,” Tyler whispers softly and his voice is so beautiful, Josh never wants to forget it, if Tyler leaves he will someday and he can't, he can't, he _can't_. “Josh.”

  
“What?” Josh almost yells, his frustration evident in his voice. “What, Tyler? What can you say to make this situation better for me?”

  
“I’ve been assigned to protect you,” Tyler tells him quietly, his hands running up his arms and Josh looks at him sharply. “So I'll always be with you.”

  
“But you won't _be_ with me.”

  
“No.” Tyler shakes his head sadly. “I just wanted to say goodbye properly, it's a miracle I'm allowed.”

  
Josh chuckles and then sobs again, clinging to him. “I don't want you to leave again.”

  
“I'll still be here, you just won't see me.”

  
“I’ll be sure to continue watching good shows for you to watch over my back,” Josh tries to joke weakly and Tyler grins, a dimple popping in his left cheek.

  
“I wouldn't have it any other way,” Tyler leans forward and kisses him again, but it doesn't feel like it'll be the last kiss they ever share, it feels like a beginning. Josh breaks the kiss to look into Tyler’s eyes one last time.

  
“I love you, Tyler.”

  
“I love you back, Josh.” Tyler pulls away from him and his wings spread out again, feathers falling to the ground lightly. “We’ll meet again, I promise. I'll be waiting for you.”

  
Before Josh can ask what that means, a bright light blinds him and then his boy is gone.

  
Josh goes back to sit down, only this time he knows Tyler is there with him and he lets himself finally move forward.

**Author's Note:**

> When Josh finally passes away at the ripe age of 86 and finds himself in heaven looking 28, he’s not surprised. Should he have acted surprised? Who cares. 
> 
> What he does care about is the beautiful boy standing in front of him, smiling at him like he’s just won the lottery. 
> 
> “Took you long enough,” He says, tapping his wrist for a fake watch.
> 
> “I guess I had a really great guardian angel, huh?” Josh replies, looking over at his wings in awe before Tyler rushes forward and kisses him, full and deep and passionate, like it's the first time he’s breathing in a while.
> 
> Josh understands the feeling.
> 
> “I told you I’d wait for you.” Tyler says before kissing him again. And again and again. 
> 
> Josh understands that feeling too.


End file.
